Most men make predictable, common mistakes when approaching women they’d like to get to know. Here are the common mistakes men make…
Hesitation is attraction killer! When you see an attractive woman, You got few seconds to approach. If you hesitate and analyze, wait, or hover around, she can sense it and its over!
Hesitation is attraction killer! When you see an attractive woman, You got few seconds to approach. If you hesitate and analyze, wait, or hover around, she can sense it and its over! Why? because in her mind, you did not demonstrate being a go getter and you are scared to take risks. Which does not create attraction in women.
If you are afraid to approach her, how could she feel safe and secured that you will be able to protect her and her future offspring from the hardships of life?? This genetically wired in women’s brain and not consciously thinking about it. So no need to rationalize and over think it.
Its simple, just walk up to her and get her opinion on something, or simply if you want to be ballsy just walk up to her and tell her that she seems friendly and you had to come by and say hello… Then instead of going through a list of interview questions, be creative and share a story about something happened to you that day or recently.
Some guys will say things like “I’m waiting for her to turn 45 degrees facing east and away from her friends so the situation is perfect, then I can approach” – there is no perfect situation to approach, just go in without hesitation before she walks out of your life forever!
This is where having a default opener for different situations can come in handy. For starters and to get your feet wet, an opinion opener would work best lounge or bar/club settings where people are expected to hang around and socialize. Women love to give their opinion on things.
It could be about a gift you want to get your little sister, or whats going on with a highlighted celebrity drama, a band, a featured movie, ect. Women love drama, so give them something they like to talk about. Get in the habit of glimpsing at the People’s Magazine while waiting at a grocery store. Lots of topics controversial.
For example: “hey guys, I want your opinion on something. Pause. My teen age sister/niece/ friend birthday is coming up and I am between getting her stuffed animal or a gift card from Abercrombie & Fitch. What would you think would put a bigger smile on her face?” Then let them give their opinion, and some women may even suggest something else.
From there you can transition to a different topic that will get her to express her personality, laugh, and have fun. Most guys say “I don’t know what to say,” and this fixes that.
If you are running around during the day at a mall, gas station, grocery store, or a coffee shop, then you can go for the direct approach. Women are nor used to men approaching them during the day time when they are sober. Only when they are drunk. So right off the bat you are demonstrating that you are different and that you make no excuses for going after what you want.
So you can go for something like this “Excuse me, I was on my way minding my business until you showed up, you’re stunning! Are you single?” Make sure you are smiling and assertive. Remember, it is not what you say, it is how you say it.
If she says yes or hesitates, then you can go “great! I take that as a yes. Here, put your number down (as you are handing her your phone) and I will call you in the next few days to see how you can make it up for me for interrupting my day” give her a clever smile, take the number and wish her a good day. If she says no, wish her a good day, their are plenty of fish.
Remember, you are doing this for your own freedom to build the habit of going after what you want without hesitation. To be able to go to bed at night feeling that you made no excuses for going after what you want by taking action. Regardless of the outcome that is liberating!
Guys give their power away most of the time. Showering her with compliments, agreeing with everything she says, laughing to make her laugh, leaning in to her, nodding their head in approval, not taking space, being overly nice and polite, offering her drinks, gifts, advice, and play the savior and therapist role. That stuff doesn’t work and it hurts your chances.
Don’t seek her approval by telling her how beautiful she is, or hot, sexy ect… if she is attractive, she knows it. Unless it is in the direct context day time approach mentioned above then do not compliment her looks. the other 99 average guys that approached her that night have told her that or at least insinuated it.
Demonstrate that you are grounded in your own reality and seek no validation from her. And you aren’t afraid to challenge her with a different opinion in a teasing manner not an intellectual argumentative way. Bust on her for being naive, gullible, or a total dork. Keep it playful.
If you want to compliment make sure its sincere and one or two compliments per interaction are enough. Compliment her on her personality, her smile, a piece of clothing or jewelry she is wearing. That usually goes good. Avoid complimenting her for her physical looks and body.
In every interaction, only one person can be the prize, and the other person is chasing. It can’t be both.
Make sure you are the prize. If you can’t get her emotionally hooked on you in the first three minutes, no looks, cars, money or fame will do it.
Your worth or value has to be greater or equal to her value; that is a necessary condition for attraction.
Never chase. Only invest, demonstrate your value, give value, then see if she invests back. If she doesn’t, then she just might either be unavailable, you are not her type, or she is nervous and don’t know how to show her interest.
This includes hovering around her in a creepy way trying to sneak yourself in to be close to her.
The solution is not to get too close right off the bat, and don’t be far where she cant hear you either. Be aware of her personal space and then you could get closer as she gets comfortable and enrolled in the interaction.
Also when you first approach a woman, don’t fully orient your body towards her and give her your full attention. Women are unconsciously intimidated by men.
So in the beginning its preferable to keep your body orientation slightly away from her as if you are about to leave any moment. Then give her your full attention after she has earned your attention by calibrating how enrolled and invested in the conversation she is.
When you pet a cat you don’t rush into getting too close to the cat, you will slowly come closer and slowly give it attention so you don’t scare the cat away. Same with women.
You asked for her opinion, she answers, great, now what? Keep talking! it shouldn’t be anything related to the opener.
Transition to a story: something you’ve recently done, something on your mind, or something in the environment. If you’re at a bookstore recommend a book; if you’re at a concert comment about the band, etc.
Just make sure you don’t get hung up on the topic of the opener and milking it to a dead end. If you ask her opinion on something and she gives her opinion, immediately transition to another topic that is related to HER. You could use the words “anyways”, “by the way”, “speaking of”, “that being said” to transition.
After the opener you could say “that being said, what is your favorite cartoon character when you were growing up?” smile then tease her about how that tells a lot about her personality. Notice, it doesn’t have to be related to the opener. It is not what you say, it is HOW you say it!
Now she is talking about herself and expressing her personality which women love to do.
Be aware not to talk fast.
Men who speak too fast show that they subconsciously need to rush their words so they aren’t rejected or judged. Confident men take their time speaking because they aren’t afraid of being prematurely judged.
A confident man isn’t afraid to put himself on the line. He understands that every time an evaluation is made, a commitment is made from the woman, and the more she does that, the more she invests and becomes more attracted.
Confident men use many pauses and talk slower to give room for the other person to process what he is saying. Don’t rush to fill in the gaps in conversation; let her fill the pauses.
She should be working to keep you interested. It isn’t your responsibility. Let her invest in the interaction.
When you ask for the number, allow the tension to set in instead of filling the pause with words and phrases like “umm, only if you are available, it will be ok, ect”
That shows assertiveness and power.
When you first start a conversation with a woman, don’t show that you will stick around for too long. Most guys cling until the woman loose interest and then they are forced to find a way to get rid of the guy, especially at lounges or bars.
For that reason, most attractive women tend to come across a bit bitchy or rude in the beginning. Why? because they want to weed out the boring clingy week guys. This way these guys would no even consider approaching them.
So your job, is to demonstrate that you are a cool guy by not hitting on her too soon like every other guy.
For starters and if you are not experienced in approaching women, one way you could make women comfortable is giving value. By having a relaxed and chill energy you giving her value, by giving her a sincere compliment you giving value. By cracking a joke and making her laugh you are giving value. By sharing a story you are giving value.
There are so many ways you can give value, Anthony Robbins puts it great by saying “The secret for living is giving”
Another way to give comfort which I don’t use anymore and that is what some guys call “False time constraint”
For example saying “Hi, I have to meet a friend soon, but I wanted to get your opinion on something” or “I only have couple of minutes, but you seem friendly and I had to come by and meet you”
By stating the false time constraint, in her mind she knows you aren’t one of those clingy guys that will stick around and bore them because you already said that you will be leaving soon.
That gives you time to demonstrate your value and get her hooked. Don’t say “ excuse me, I don’t want to bother you” or being apologetic for approaching her. Remember, make no excuse for being a MAN!
Giving value and False time constraints sub-communicate you are unlike other clingy boring guys that hit on her.
First if you are out with your buddies, don’t gather around in a wolf pack hovering by the bar staring at women. Not having fun with your buddies shows that you are there to pick up women which is creepy and uncomfortable. If you aren’t having fun with your own friends and your environment, how do you expect her to have fun with you?
Smile and give value to people, fake it until you make it. Recent studies by Amy Cuddy where it showed that our body language can control the way we feel and think. Try it now, look at the ceiling and have the most silly grin, you will realize you will start chucking which makes you feel better. Stand up extend your arms like Rocky and try to say ” I am miserable I don’t feel good about myself”
How did that go? It is nearly impossible to feel miserable when you re in a high power pose.
So yes fake it until you become it. Exaggerate your facial expressions, give people high fives, talk to everyone, not just hot women, staff members, bartenders, and everyone if you are at a venue or a party. That is almost guaranteed to get you in an up state and feeling good, which will make people around you feel comfortable and good. That is another way of giving value.
This way when you see an attractive woman and you approach her, you are already having fun and do not need anything from her. Hot women are socially calibrated and they can tell if you are a high status man.
You don’t need to own a yacht or be a senator to be high status. You could demonstrate it by being friendly and social with ALL people, having fun and not wanting anything from no one. When you are self assured and content ,then people will be drawn to you and want to meet you, then women will be wondering who you are.
Also make sure if you are out with your buddies keep it under four guys, its less intimidating if you want to meet women. And never give a woman you’ve just met more value than your buddy.
If you are talking to a woman you just barely met, and your buddy comes by to say what’s up. Don’t ignore him! stop the conversation with her and give your buddy full attention and introduce him properly to the women you are talking to.
That is a sign of respect and sends all the right messages to the women you are talking to that you are a high caliber guy that appreciates his friends and don’t sell out his friends for women.
If you are wondering how to make a woman laugh, this is a simple problem to fix. The quick and easy way is to use teasing and being playful. Simple. You don’t need to be a comedian to make her laugh. It is the tension that you create is what makes a woman laugh. Its your dismissive, aloof, indifferent, and fun attitude that intrigues her.
For example, if she makes a sassy comment or giving you hard time, you could make a playful comment to her by saying she is a brat, or you could make a comment to her group like “gosh, is she always like that? she needs to go out more” or “How do you guys roll with this girl, she’s trouble.”
Then switch your attention to her friends and ignore her for a bit and don’t be surprised if she starts engaging you with questions to get the attention back on her.
This is called seeking rapport. When you start asking these boring generic questions early on in the conversation with a woman, you are either telegraphing interest too soon before she earns it or putting your self in the “friend zone”. Which both are not what you want.
Guys who ask questions like “Where are you from?”, “What’s your name?”, and “What do you do?” are guilty of this mistake. That shows that her value is higher than yours and you are trying too hard to be her “friend”.
Obey the 90/10 conversational rule: if you initiated the conversation, it’s your responsibility to keep the conversation going for the first five minutes. Asking these kind of questions in the beginning of the interaction is asking the woman to invest in you by responding to your questions.
These questions do not stimulate her emotions. By that, the conversation will fall into the nice and friendly frame which will make you eligible for the “Lets just be friends” or “The typical boring guy”. Is that what you want?
I didn’t think so. There are several solutions.
You can ask one question then you can tease her about her answer, or you re-frame your questions into statements.
If you ask her where she is from and said Jersey, you could say “gosh I don’t know if i can talk to you any more, I knew a jersey girl that ended up to be a stoker.” Then carry on.
Or Instead of asking where she’s from you can say “You seem like a Midwest girl”. Then she would correct you and say “No I am from Jersey but why would you think I am from the mid-west?” which you can say “I don’t know you have that hora of being nice and real.” Then carry on.
Being aware of this is the first step. If a woman doesn’t respond to you, there could be a thousand reasons that don’t have anything to do with you.
If she is not opening up, don’t make it about you, she could be having a bad day, she is unavailable, or maybe its that time of the month, who cares. Wish her a pleasant evening and carry on.
Later in the evening she sees you with other women and you could attempt to talk to her again and now she will be more receptive since you demonstrated that you are preselected by other women, which is attractive.
The next woman might respond well, so persistence and endurance will get you success. Not all woman are of high quality, and many are stuck up or emotionally unstable. Keep that in mind and my advice is to stay away from these type of women it is not worth trust me. We are learning how to attract quality, healthy minded and intelligent women and not bimbos and arm candies.
Treat all women as if they are average until they prove that they are different. Don’t worry about the ones that aren’t interesting or wonderful because if you do this you are not being a challenge. Being a challenge is number one on the list of attraction triggers for women.
One way to demonstrate that you are a challenge is to remain relaxed, don’t try too hard, don’t care what she thinks of you, don’t react to your emotions triggers, and speak your mind.
If you don’t share anything about yourself a woman won’t trust you. You got to share something about yourself and be vulnerable.
Share something humorous about yourself, something that happened to you that relates to the topic, etc. Talk about yourself using the word I: saying “I think”, “I feel”, and “I did” instead of “You” statements. That makes her feel comfortable because you are opening up and sharing yourself.
“I was on my way to work when I realized I was still in my boxers. That’s how excited to go back to bed I am.” it might sound silly but women dig that stuff.
Get her comfortable that you are not a creepy guy, and things will start unfold and she will start opening up.
The result of this is that women get turned off by men who show interest in sex very early on. High value men require a challenge by the woman to win him over, and this doesn’t happen by a woman’s looks alone.
That is why when you compliment her, compliment on things she has worked for: values, attitude, values, fashion, or a sense of humor. Then qualify her based on these values not her looks which are given to her. For example, if you like that she plays sports, build up on that.
Then you could ask her “wow what else you are good at besides playing tennis?” if she starts to list that she can cook, she play music, or whatever, that is an indication that she is interested in you and you are doing well. After she is invested in you then you could state your interest in her.
otherwise, if she dismisses your question by saying “nothing really, I am boring”. She is brushing you off. Then you need to take a step back and re-attract her all over by either busting on her, being playful, and sharing stories or if you don’t see she is worth to invest time in then you could wish her good and walk away.
Qualifying a woman is a critical step right before stating your interest in her. Showing your interest in her could be as direct as “You know
The flip side of that coin when you are not showing any signs of sexual advancement could result in you being thrown in the friend zone.
You got to take risks. Leaders take risks. A good time to show sexual interest is after you find something intriguing about her or her personality worthy of your respect. For example, her goals, dreams, or deep commonalities.
When you base your interest on her personality rather than just her looks that shows you are selective and not desperate. Every woman has unique qualities about her; our job as men is to find those out and build on it.
Even if you feel like there is chemistry, you still need to be able to build rapport on a solid foundation.
Physical touching has to start right off the bat. Starts nonchalant with a hand shake, Hi5 then escalate to an arm squeeze, stroke on the shoulder. Then after she is well invested and you can see she is a potential quality then you can escalate to smelling her neck, touching her hair, then kissing her when the setting is private.
So if you are not touching her all night and you wait expecting the magic kiss at her door step at the end of the date then you are setting up your self to a cold peck on the cheek my friend.
You have to start slow in touching and keep escalating.
The magic formula is two steps forward one steps back. If she is comfortable with you holding hands don’t get stuck there. You be the first one to let go of her hand and later hold it again, but this time gently squeeze on her hand a bit.
If you kiss her, make sure you stop the kiss first. Then later you could kiss her longer. So on so forth.
This way you are the one escalating, yet you are stopping before she gets uncomfortable and leaving her wanting more. Also she will be expecting you to do it later which will make her feel safety and trust with you now that she is clear where the relationship is going.
Most guys are afraid to touch and then after going out for few times, the woman will think that they are only friends, until suddenly he works out his courage and jump her wanting to kiss her. She gets surprised, uncomfortable and he is left disappointed.
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