Your state is what affects your behavior. Learning how to control your state is the hidden key to success in life including women. Learn more about controlling your state below...
What is “state”? And why is it important to your success with women, business, relationships, and life in general?
Your state is a combination of you inner talk, images in your head, values and belief systems, and attitudes. All manifested in your physiology (your posture, facial expressions, gestures, movements, breathing, etc.), your vocal tonality (tone, tempo, pitch, ect.), and the words that come out of your mouth. It affects everything about you subconsciously.
Many of these are outside your immediate conscious awareness. When you are in a resourceful state you may see yourself doing things you didn’t think you have in you or said to yourself “where did that come from?” Do you recall a time where you absolutely without a shadow of a doubt were in charge in a situation that involved interacting with a woman and the results were that she was all over you?
I thought so. We all have been in similar situations where everything just FLOWED. Now, on the other hand, do you recall a time where you knew what to do with a woman interacting with and yet for whatever reason you screed it all up?
I thought so too. Don’t worry we all been there. It’s like something takes over your body where you start behaving in an unnatural awkward manner and it makes people especially women, uncomfortable.
See, when you are in a lousy state (anxious, fearful, nervous, tired, bored, ect.) you don’t feel like doing much if any. As a result it hinders your success with women.
The good news is that there are ways to control and alter your state so that it will serve you rather than hurt you.
Remember: State determines behavior. If you are nervous, anxious, tired, or bored it will show up in your body language, your tone of voice, the words you say, or a combination of the three.
You might say the right words to a woman but your body language is sloppy and your tone of voice is choppy. By that, you are not congruent with what you are saying and your credibility is chattered and you wonder how come this attraction stuff does not work!
In his famous study in UCLA 1972, Dr Albert Mahrabian found out that 93% of communication is non verbal. specifically, 55% is body language, 38% vocal tonality, and only 7% are the words we say.
What does mean?
It is not matter what you say to a woman. It is HOW you say it!
Now, in order to change your state, you must change the ingredients that make it up.
The ingredients are; your physiology, your tonality, and your language.
When you’re “in state” or sometime referred to as “in the zone” where everything is flowing smoothly, you feel as if you can do anything and nothing will go wrong. You’re so congruent and in tune with yourself that you’re not worried about what people’s opinion of you.
You project confidence and fun, so people take you lightly.
For example, how would your physiology be if you had just won the lottery? You will breathe deeply, have a big wide grin on your face, hands up in the air, and maybe jumping up and down like a total maniac.
How would your vocal tonality sounds like? Are you going to have a reserved, nervous, mellow, or choppy voice? I doubt it. You will be screaming with explosive energetic loud voice coming from your gut!
What words and language will you be using? Are you going to say “well it’s about time, I am such a loser?” Hell no! You will be screaming “Yes!”, “I did it!” etc.
Here is the epiphany. If your state determines your behavior, the opposite is also true. Your behavior can determine your state. Psychology creates physiology and physiology creates psychology.
Allow me to explain: When you received the information that you won the lottery, you felt great so you started jumping up and down fists up in the air screaming and yelling “YES!”
These ingredients could get you in that same state on your command.
Let me prove it for you through an exercise where you can experience it rather than intellectually analyzing it.
Stand up and start jumping up and down with your fists up in the air screaming and yelling “YES!”
I am still here waiting I got all day.
Yes I am serious. Stand up now and try it!
Till when are you going to allow your success with women tied to the chains of your illusionary fears and lousy state?
Till when are you going to allow the woman of your dreams pass by because your fear of getting out of your comfort zone?
How much pain has your lousy state been causing you? Be present with it. Jot it down on a piece of paper.
Don’t just say “yeah it sucks that I feel lonely” Be present with the pain. Allow it to hurt!
Until you get leverage by associating enough pain towards your current situation, chances are you will get similar results from the past.
Your unconscious mind is wired to move you away from pain and towards pleasure.
The only language the unconscious understands is emotions. The unconscious dismisses logic.
That is why affirmations do not work. You can keep telling yourself all day long ” I am confident, I am confident, I am confident.” and your brain is telling you “Bull shit, bull shit, bull shit.”
So jot it down at least ten reasons why you MUST change your state. Why enough is enough. Stir up the HURT!
What has it been costing you with women, relationships in general, your health, finances, and your overall happiness?
Then jot down the benefits of the new behavior that you want. Write down ten reasons of what the new behavior will provide to you.
Ok. Go for it. This exercise should take you a solid ten minutes.
Now, have you done the exercise?
If you haven’t then please stop and do the exercise. It wont do you any good to keep reading!
If you have, then congratulations!
I am confident that you have gotten a lot of value from doing it. If you did the exercise right, meaning you felt the pain by getting present to the costs of your current behavior, your brain now has literary established new neuro-path ways between brain cells in the form of calcium bonds.
In English terms, your brain now is rewired to a new behavior that will allow you to fulfill on what you want. The trick now is to solidify these new connection pathways in your brain by making the new behavior a habit.
Its like playing a new sport or learning a musical instrument. You got to practice and practice until you find yourself doing it effortlessly.
Now back to the ingredients for managing your state.
Start jumping up and down, fists in the air, screaming “YES!”
Yes for no reason, except making a fool out of yourself and me getting a good laugh. No, I am kidding. Though that would be entertaining to watch I am not going to lie, but the reason for you doing this exercise is to get it on an experiential level how fast you can change your state.
So, stand up, and start jumping now fists in the air as if you just won the lottery and screaming from you gut “YES!”
If there is people around and you are worried that they might call the mental hospital, then go somewhere where is no people around.
If that is not an option at the time, simply stand up and look at the ceiling with the silliest grin on your face for couple of minutes.
If you did the jumping exercise you would notice how your state shifted to a more energetic and positive. though you did not win the lottery I am assuming and your bank account is still the same, yet you were able to experience the state that goes along with winning the lottery. Got the point?
Good. So there is not reason for you to be in a lousy state. You can shift your state in a snap of a finger that fast!
A research done by Amy Cuddy proved that our body language shapes who we are and dictates how we think and feel.
In her experiment, she had a group of people who she had them sit for two minutes in a high power physiology and take a sample saliva test. Then she had them sit in a low power physiology for two minutes and take a sample saliva test.
The results came and the high power physiology test showed an increase in Testosterone and decrease in Cortisol.
Testosterone is a hormone responsible for achievement, success, leadership, and confidence.
Cortisol is a hormone secreted upon being in a state of stress, fear, anxiety, insecurity.
So the based on the research, her advice was to fake it till you become it. Meaning if you are not in a good state, if you are not sure what you are doing when interacting with a woman, act as if you know what you are doing or saying by adapting the high power comfortable relaxed body language and you shall become that person.
When you control your state you’ll be able to control the response you get. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy: we get what we expect.
This is why some guys use the same openers with women and it works, but fails for others. The person who expects failure gets what he expects, and the one who expects success gets it too.
Remember, you create your own reality. Whoever controls the frame controls the interaction. Congruence is frame control, and if you believe in what you are saying, people will follow.
Physiology determines psychology. Your inner game and outer game affect each other. How would athletes look like after a great performance and winning the game? Big smile, hand fist saying YES! ect…
When you are in this high emotional state for example winning, it is now associated with the fist, the smile, and the body language, and maybe an inner dialogue such as “I made it!” and maybe also you see some pictures in your head.
The opposite also holds true in this case. If you are feeling under the weather, hold a fist, Put a big smile and jump up and scream YES and your state will instantly shift just like you experienced in the exercise!
Got the point. The unconscious mind doesn’t distinguish whats real and whats imagined. It only communicates through association with pictures, auditory self talk, kinesthetic such as holding a fist or clapping your hands together, certain smells for example rain associated with being calm, depressed, ect. And sometime tasting a certain type of food could either put you in an uplifting state or groggy state, that’s why you see people seek food when they are stressed.
Your body language, breathing, speaking, etc. will trigger your unconscious mind to feel a certain way, such as more happy or excited. Instead of being affected by your environment, you are creating your own state independently of your environment.
You can learn more about state control in my best seller e_book “The Attraction Code”
If you are in a situation where you are unable to start jumping up and down screaming yes. A quick and easy way to change your state is by simply changing your physiology.
Imagine how would a depressed guy look like. Shoulders droopy, head down, sad face, breathing shallow, chest tightened, hands touching each other, ect. So when you are in this state do the opposite and your state will immediately shifts. Try it now.
For the next two minutes. Sit up or stand up straight, shoulders back, chest opened, take a deep breath, and have a smile on your face. How do you feel? much better right? MAGIC!
You can anchor any feeling you want in your body with a clap, snap of your fingers, or squeezing your wrist. Now this becomes your magic button. Every time you fire that anchor you would feel the state associated with it.
Just like Pavlov was able to anchor the sound of the ring of the bell to hunger in his experiment with the dogs. So can we as human beings. Our brain work much faster than the dog’s and you can anchor any feeling you want in an instant and you have access to this state at any time you want!
There are other ways to help you get in terms with your state. One is through changing the visual images inside your head: When you see an attractive woman that you want to meet, rather than imagining the worse-case scenarios of what an interaction would be like, picture the best. Picture women giving you a big smile and responding positively.
Remember the unconscious doesn’t not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. When you imagine a positive outcome, your unconscious is storing it in its file cabinet as a reference experience in which it will come back to in similar situations in the future and replicate.
The brain’s basic and primary role is survival. If you are alive now, that means to your brain that he has done his job keeping you safe and alive till now. The bad news is that your brain will do what it has done in the past to keep you alive. yes, that includes all the bad behaviors and negative reactions you had.
Imagine you are driving a car and the car infront of you slammed on the brakes. What do you do?
Right. You slam on your brakes and steer away from it. Do you think about how to slam on your breaks? No. You simply do it automatically.
Now imagine a different scenario. You are sitting in the passenger seat while the car infornt of you slams on the breaks. What do you do? Right! You still slam on an your imaginary breaks!
What does that mean and how is that related?
Well consider that we are programmed. Yes. Your brain saw the car stopping with brake lights on, it went through the file cabinet and picked a reference experience for similar situation that happened in the past and your brain took similar actions that it has done in the past and that is stepping your foot on the breaks.
So what reference experiences you want to save in your file cabinet? Start getting in the habit of visualizing the best outcomes you want for yourself.
Here is an exercise I can lead you through.
Sit down and relax. Close your eyes and imagine an outcome you want in the future. See what you are seeing, the pictures, the colors, faces, and see what you are seeing from your own eyes as if it is happening right now.
As you are seeing what you are seeing, observing your breathing, you might be hearing voices on the back ground, or something is being said to you, or you might be saying something to yourself.
As you are seeing what are seeing, hearing what you are hearing, allow allow whatever feelings you have as a result of this desired outcome to take place in your body. Now, feel the feelings and multiply these feelings as if this is taking place now. Then open your eyes and notice how you feel and trust that your brain has filed this memory to refer back to it and replicate in the future in similar events.
That is why high achievers visualize their outcomes before they achieve them. Research shown that people who right down their goals and visualize them are twice as much likely to achieve them.
Another way to change your state is through language and what you say to yourself.
One could be to re-frame the meaning of what happens and instead of making it mean something bad you can look at from a positive view, such as viewing rejection as only a feedback on your approach or a learning experience.
It’s about enjoying the journey rather than craving a specific outcome. You can create the frame and say to yourself that “every interaction is just practice ”, so that when you are proficient in dating you are now ready and qualified for a long term healthy relationship.
An important skill is to be present and aware of your self-talk. Every time the circuits in your mind tell you that you’re not good enough, or you’re going to mess up, just remember to breathe.
“ Ask yourself the question “Am I breathing?” and this will automatically return you to a state of presence.
Some attitudes you can adapt for success with women are the following:
You know how sometimes you feel that you are in a state of flow, where you’re the center of attention and women are just gravitating to you? Either you had a big success that day, or something happened that made you feel on top of your game.
THAT’S being in state, and it’s a very powerful advantage. Learning how to control and replicate that state—rather than hoping that it will come to you is the goal.
One way that I also find helpful to get in state is to have fun and laugh with your buddies when you go out. Your state will change.
It’s very important not to depend on your state to be able to talk to people. We as men, unlike women, create our state from within ourselves and not dependent on the environment. Only actions create results, not feelings!
We as men take action based on reason. Women take action based on their emotions. Put your emotions on the side and take action based on your reason.
Your focus should be on being out there, communicating and connecting with people, rather than hoping for people to respond in a positive way.
If you are not feeling good, approach anyway, and start interacting with people and your state will shift.
Craving validation from outside yourself leads to misery and suffering. Even when you get positive responses from women, don’t react to them and attach by being too excited. Because that too shall pass and its only situational confidence.
They are impermanent, just like everything else in the universe. It will change, so just accept it and enjoy it for the present moment. Be willing to let go.
If you want to start having mad success with women today then schedule your first free phone “strategy session” now and take responsibility for your life. You can also order my book that reveals it all!
No one will give it to you man, trust me I have been there. Until I decided to take charge and be in control of who I want to date, and the quality women I want to be with, that’s when I started developing as a man and surrounding myself with beautiful hot women. If I can do it, ANYONE can!
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