Confidence is a key still to surviving—and thriving—in life. Without it, you'll struggle to feel "good enough", and with it, you'll live a life that most men only dream of. Learn more about how to build confidence below...
Every guy has his own shortcomings, like being bald, short, too skinny, too tale, pale, missing a limb, etc. We need to learn to communicate our confidence through that shortcoming and not be defensive about it. The key to confidence is being able to accept and make the best of the things we are insecure about.
Second is find the brilliant part in you, build on it, and sell it hard. For example, if you are below average hight, when talking to a tall woman, you can say “I usually don’t date short women, but if you buy me a drink I might consider it.” smile.
Be honest about your shortcomings and bring it up ahead of time. The sooner you expose it the better. Poke a little fun at it, and then get back to business with your confident side. Tribal days are over, so take risks without worrying about embarrassment. Not taking risks is equal to lonely nights and weekends at home.
Confidence can’t be bought with a magic pill. There is no quick fix. You can work on every part of yourself, and 20% of this work will cause a huge impact on your confidence.
Body + Mind + Soul === Self
From this equation you can see the higher you score on the left side of the equation the closer you get towards your BEST SELF. Also known as self-actualization.
1. Sleeping well. Remember, the way you treat your body will affect your mood.
2. Eat well, avoiding sugar and keeping a balancing diet.
3. Work out. Muscles are attractive to women, and make YOU feel good. Be disciplined: don’t focus on the goal and instead enjoy the journey.
4. Dressing well will cause better first impressions and will make you feel good.
5. Observe the sensations in your body without craving or hatred. Good feelings or bad feelings, that too shall pass. No clinging, everything is changing and impermanent!
The Mind = Conscious mind + Unconscious mind
Five steps to change any behavior and accomplish any goal:
Step 1: Figure out what you don’t want. (I don’t want to be shy, alone, overweight, broke, ect). Acknowledge these behaviors and thank them for they served a purpose in your life and now it’s time to transcend and grow. For example, being shy and closed was trying to protect you from the pain of being rejected or embarrassed. Give shyness a good bye hug and a kiss and let it go!
Step 2: How has your current limiting behavior been a problem for you? Write down at least ten reasons why it’s painful if you don’t change it? Feel the feelings of pain associated with it. (Your unconscious mind wants to avoid pain and move towards pleasure so give your unconscious mind more reasons to change NOW!)
Step 3: Turn your don’t wants into what you want. (I want to be confident, in a relationship, fit, wealthy, ect) Be specific. Do you want an athletic girl? Large? Blond, brunette? Do you want a younger woman? Older? Spiritual? Rich? Do you want a relationship or casual dating? Write down exactly what do you want whether in a woman, in your career, or your life in general. While you are writing, feel the feelings of how it would be like when your goal is fulfilled NOW. Have the list up on your vision board in your room where you can see it daily. Remember, clarity is power!
Step 4: Take Action! Interrupt the past behavior by taking different actions from the past. Doing the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity. If you have been coming home after work, smoke weed and play video games, then going to the gym or joining a meetup group for a hobby is great way to interrupt the pattern. Just make sure not to be attached to the destination and enjoy the journey. Ask yourself: What can I do today that will bring me closer to my goal? It could be going to the mall buy a pair of shoes and have small talk with five women? Hire a coach? Or attend a live seminar or buy my eBook? What is it for you?
Step 5: Be flexible! If an action you are taking on is not working, make changes until it works.
Living in the world of performance NOT feelings:
The primary way to build your confidence is through performance, not by sitting on your computer reading about it and see how you feel about it. Feelings are a feminine quality. We are men, we think logically and DO! If you don’t take any steps, you’re guaranteed no results. So if you have a lot of products (DVDs, CDs, etc.) and you haven’t gotten results yet, that should tell you there’s a problem. Reading and listening to programs is inspiring and it’s a good start to see a possibility for yourself. Just make sure you follow up with taking action. Only actions create results!
On an unconscious level, really getting that you are not your thoughts is the most important place to start. Listening to your inner voice will only depress you and cause anxiety. Your mind is mostly based on avoiding fear, which is not useful in building confidence. The voice continues without your conscious efforts. Guilt, anger, shame, doubt, and insecurities are products of the mind and the ego, which prevents you from being confident. Disassociating from your thoughts as just thoughts and not who you are is liberating. Then, you will be able to create whatever you want for your life as a result of you breaking the constraints of the past.
Desiring sex is a human emotion based on how we feel and it will raise our confidence. However it is only a temporary situational confidence. Confidence is feeling good about yourself and celebrating who you are. We want those feelings so badly that we are willing to do anything for it. If you don’t have confidence, then no sex, money, food, and power will mean anything. All these things are only to help you feel good if you already have the confidence, otherwise it will only provide a temporary high. This is why all commercials are based on selling the perception of how it will make you feel if you buy that product and the pain you feel if you don’t buy the product. Human emotions are the drive to action. Pain and pleasure, the carrot and the stick!
How many times have you been around attractive women when your mind blew it up for you? You can never win when you listen to your mind. If you learn to come out of your mind your emotions will become subtle. How nervous or calm you are depends on how much you listen to your mind. You can replace the inner dialogue with affirmations, such as “Women like me and want me.” Make sure your affirmations are based on something realistic. “I am enough” is the best affirmation you can say to yourself, as well as “I am whole and complete” and “I love and accept myself the way I am”.
Get in a habit of going through a list of things that you are grateful for every morning.
Adapt the attitude of gratitude. It will put you in a positive vibration and you attract more of it. I learned this from my friend Anthony Robbins; What are you grateful for in your life now? What are you proud of accomplishing in your life? What is exciting in your life now? Who loves you and who do you love most? What are you looking forward for in your life now? Write them down and have the list on your vision board and go through the list every morning as you are taking a shower or driving your car.
You are reprogramming your unconscious mind by installing new beliefs. However it is essential to eradicate the old limiting beliefs first. If you want to eradicate your limiting beliefs that been stopping you from being the man you always want to be then contact me to schedule a free phone session and we will go through a step by step process to get rid of limiting beliefs and install empowering beliefs that will serve you now.
The soul for developing confidence will be based on meditation and awareness. It gets you high without the use of alcohol. Deep breathing allows the mind to concentrate and settle down. Your mind will escape from all insecurities and negative feelings, reaching straight to your soul. No outcome, no rejection. You will let go of neediness, which is created from fear. You can meditate anywhere: you can take 15 minutes in the morning and sit in silence observing your breathing, waiting in line in the grocery store, driving a car, breathe and feel the air entering your nostrils and getting out hitting your upper lips. You don’t have to sit on top of a mountain to do that.
Meditation allows you to observe your breathing. When you are observing your breathing, your mind is not thinking. When your mind is not thinking then you stop the chatter in your head and become present. Eckhart Tolle in his book “The Power of Now” has a great way to help you be present. Ask yourself “Am I still breathing?” The moment you are breathing you are not thinking. It starts with a short moment of presence but that’s good enough. Every time you are in a situation where you feel anxious, ask yourself “Am I still breathing?” and see how you feel grounded.
Rehearsing how you would like to act, sound, and move with vivid details and posture is a great tool. Repetition, breathing, and performing gestures in front of a mirror will help you tremendously. Imagine yourself through the eyes of a woman. Hear what she’s saying inside about you “Damn he’s hot, I want to meet him.” This will allow the other person to respond to you the way you want them to. It’s who controls the frame controls the interaction.
Another way to build your confidence is to acknowledge that you don’t like the fact that you aren’t as confident as you could be. Make a decision to go ahead anyway, and find out what happens when you start working on yourself. Allow action and reality to teach you, rather than worrying and guessing. That is the key for living a fulfilling life. Without action there can be no results, answers and knowledge, so take action.
Every time you don’t know what will happen, instead of freezing, take action and find out what happens. If you want to talk to a woman and you don’t know what’s going to happen, just take action talk to her anyway and find out. You might get shot down, but that’s ok I haven’t had any of my students die from that. After that you will go through the experience in your mind and figure what could you have done different and learn from it. That’s how you grow. You mess up, you pick yourself up, and you mess up again, until you learn. A good frame to adapt and that is “If you don’t know what to do, always take a step forward!”
Another way to build confidence is to imagine all the women you meet as someone’s daughter, sister, or mother. They are deeply loved and appreciated. No women owe you any kind of support just because it takes courage to approach them, and she doesn’t have to be nice to you or be impressed. Walk through life with no neediness of a certain outcome or response and you shall be free.
Recognize how important you are just by the fact that you are alive and not because of your job or what you do. Know your value as a physical and spiritual being, and share that value with the universe. This is one of the main purposes of your existence.
Repeating any action or thought process for 21 days turns it into a habit. It is easier to add positive habits than to change or remove old habits. Start creating new habits to achieve what you want. Such as;
1. Act as if you have already achieved your goal and women love you. Act like it’s true! How would you act differently if you had plenty of women in your life?
2. Outcome independence. Have the frame that you have two super hot babes waiting for you at home when you go out, so you don’t need to have any women when you go out. It won’t matter what happens when you go out. You are out to have fun and learn to be social.
3. Live in the present moment. Being aware of your inner dialogue and observing your breathing helps you in becoming present.
4. Don’t worry about what people think of you. Put your personality on the line, and be true to yourself at all times!
5. Start with the end in mind, and you can transform your identity from a limiting one to an empowering one.
6. Hold eye contact with people. Very vital piece in communication!
7. Say hello to random people. As you are walking through your daily routine. SMILE!
8. Hold brief conversations. Start practicing with people at the checkout lines, bartenders, waitresses, or waiting for a cab or at the bus stop.
9. Practice being more assertive. Slop your tonality downward at the end of the sentence.
10. Inject flirtatious humor in your interaction, such as light hearted teasing, role playing different characters in your stories, and being cocky funny.
11. Focus on your vocal tonality. Practice speaking up louder and from the diaphragm. Deeper more resonating voice and assertive is credible and commanding.
12. Take up more space when you sit and when you stand up from the crowd. Comfortable body language equates comfortable in your own skin.
13. Get comfortable touching people. Light touching makes you real to another person. Don’t be afraid to lightly touch women on the shoulder or hands through your conversation.
14. Controlling the frame of the conversation. Be the one to bring up new topics that you are passionate about.
15. Get comfortable being the center of attention. Be aware of your ego not to creep in.
16. Start hanging out at cooler venues and dressing cooler. Its who you hang out with and where you hang out tells a lot about your taste in life.
17. Be comfortable breaking rapport with people. Don’t be afraid to disagreeing and defend your views and outlook on life in a respectful manner.
18. Always be escalating your growth and trying new things every time you interact with people.
19. Don’t be afraid to take risks! Every time you are uncomfortable and scared that’s when you are growing! Watching movies is comfortable but are you growing?
20. There is no such thing as failure. There is only a feedback on your performance.
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