The first thing you say to a woman usually isn't important, but it matters. Once you engage her, you'll need to transition topics smoothly. Here's my favorite techniques for approaching engaging women...
The first thing you say to a woman usually isn’t that important. There is no magic line that will get her to melt and fall in love with you. It is like an oven where it gradually warms up until becomes hot. Also it is not what you say, it is HOW you say what you say which affects how she’ll respond. Once you engage her, you’ll need to transition to a different topic that will serve you.
Talking about the weather, her job, economy, politics, religion, most likely won’t serve you. I call those attraction killers conversation. Here’s my favorite techniques for approaching and engaging women…
First, you need something to strike a conversation with, an opener. There are two types of openers, direct openers and indirect openers.
An indirect direct opener is where you see a woman and you approach her with the purpose of engaging her to find out what she is about before stating your interest. For example, lets say you are at a grocery store to pick up your favorite frozen pizza and a case of beer. And there she is, miss hard body, you notice her from your peripheral vision looking at the wine selection. You forget about your lousy pizza and beer and think of something more classy. You walk up towards her slowly and after getting her attention, you politely ask her to help you figure out what kind of wine would go well with fish?
Women love to help and she most likely will go out of her way to do that unless she is in a hurry and she will make that clear as long as you are being normal and not sending “creep” signals. The key is stay present and not in your head trying to figure out what to say next or how amazing she looks naked. After she recommends a specific wine, you could thank her then ask her to recommend you a wine that would go well with Cheetos, smile. If she is normal she will laugh. If she is non-receptive, she will walk away and that’s not the kind of women you want, trust me.
After she laughs, its time to transition from the wine topic (opener) to something about her. She already spent time helping you, so now its time to give her value back. You could compliment her for being helpful teaching you something about wine and saving you the embarrassment of making a jack ass out for yourself in front of your friend at dinner. Notice, I said “friend” which keeps it vague to her “is she his girlfriend or just a friend?” either way you win by making her think you have women in your life (even if you don’t). Its a white lie, invite your neighborhood watch lady if that makes you feel better.
So far its all been about you, now its time to create the space for her to shine and make her feel special. You could say something like “you know, besides being great at helping men find their way around a grocery store, what else are you good at?” At this point she will be put on the spot and she might be giggling and trying to figure out whats going on. You stay present, relaxed, smile and be quiet.
If you see her struggling or asking you what do you mean, then you could help her a bit by asking her specific questions such as; Can you cook? if she says “Yes, I am a phenomenal cook” tell her “great, in this case, we should do a battle of the chefs and whose food taste better will make desert, this way I know you will win and you will be making desert, smile.” If she says “I don’t have time to cook”, then tell her “oh no I don’t know if I can be friends with you anymore” but I am sure there you must be good at something, could it be changing tires? smile. She laughs and tells you “no but I can make the best cup cakes.” At this point you give her a Hi-5 and tell her “love cup cakes” and proceed to the battle of the chefs.
At this point she is intrigued, But not to the point where she would be in your house cooking, you still have not built trust. So you would go “you know I would invite over to cook together but what if you were one of those weirdo stalkers, I had bad experience in the past. So how about we meet for drink next week first, this way if you try anything funny on me, then I can bail. smile.”
If you don’t fluster and stay cool and collected, she will start be laughing and will agree. Which you will say, I am busy in the next few days but I am available Wednesday and Thursday which day works best for you? Again, be quiet, collected, and smile while maintaining eye contact. She says Thursday sounds good, then you say “great, here, put your number in my phone and I will call you Wednesday for details.” Give her a Hi 5 and wish the woman a good day and go straight to the bathroom, and you can scream, yell, jump up and down or whatever way you like to celebrate
So in this scenario, you demonstrated courage to approach her in the day time, compared to most men that never approach women unless they are at a bar and they are drunk. That is attractive. Then you demonstrated that you are not embarrassed to ask for help from a woman to learn and grow and though in this case its something simple as wine but that is a sign of being vulnerable which is attractive. You demonstrated humor and wit by asking her about what wine will go well with Cheetos, then with having her to do the desert any way.
You demonstrated that you are a cool guy that have female friends in your life which translates into being desirable by other women which is attractive. You have been polite, and you gave her value back by acknowledging her for being special for the willingness to help and give her a chance to talk about the great qualities she possess. Then you demonstrated leadership, by moving things forward and making future plans together.
You demonstrated that you are different from other men by being a bit of a challenge and not taking the first opportunity to be alone with her cooking, instead by flipping the tables by being skeptical of her intentions of her trying to make a move on you. You demonstrated that you are not needy, have standards and willing to walk away by telling her that you cant be friends with her now that you found out that she does not cook. That is HUGE for women. You pushed her away by meeting with her for a drink first before cooking together which is something she is most likely not used to especially by men that they are always trying to get in her pants.
You gave her a Hi5 which demonstrates you are not intimidated by touching her, and finally my friend you demonstrated that you are a MAN and not a FRIEND by being calm, collected, and present through your body language, facial expressions, and vocal tonality.
If you want to learn how to be collected and calm and not being intimidated in front of an attractive woman, then schedule your first free phone strategy session with me and overcome any fears of being rejected or not knowing what to say next.
At a bar or a club you can use both direct or indirect openers. If you want to have a list of unlimited supply of direct and indirect openers, it will be part of your membership which will include email customized coaching where you can ask me anything and I will provide you guidance, along with helpful dating tips that you can use immediately and get success.
At a bar or club usually women are in groups and rarely you find a woman by herself. So you would roll to them and strike your opener. It could be direct such as “hey you guys seem cool I had to come by to say hello.”
Or you could go indirect where you ask for their opinion on something . It could be a birthday gift for your sister or female friend, or celebrity drama, or the venue where you are at. If they are engaged, give value back by making relevant comments like “You guys are fun, you have a great sense of humor. So how do you guys know each other?” or “Back where I’m from, people are more closed off, I love how friendly you are.”
This is also an example of putting them in a specific frame. Saying “You’re friendly” or “You’re spontaneous” will put them in the frame of being friendly or spontaneous because they want to live up to what you think of them.
That is also an example of how you should share something about yourself, then ask about them. Make sure you identify your target in the group but engage the whole group especially if they are two. If its a group of three or more, then notice if the other two are engaged in a private conversation together. If they are then proceed with your target woman talking to her. However if the other two are just standing there, then it is a time bomb waiting to explode. If you don’t engage them then expect at any moment to grab their girlfriend for bathroom time.
One way to engage the whole group is asking questions such as “How do you people know each other?” That will get them to start talking with each other and usually if they are friends then that will bond them together even more. And who will they associate that good energy with? YOU! since you are the one the got them to exchange that experience of how they met and the love they share between them. Now you are the source of positive value that they want you around.
An example of leading then setting the frame for her to follow could be you say “Right now I work at this place and I always wanted to be a musician” then relate to her: “What did you always want to be when you were growing up?” That is a great transition to get to know her on a personal level and build rapport.
Travel is also a great transition. Here is an example:
You can say something like “My brother and I last time were in Dubai and this happened” and share a funny story that happened to you. For me, it is being arrested for splashing water from the jet skis on people eating on shore. Then talking our way out of it. After you share your story, open it up with questions like “Have you been there?” or “Where have you traveled?” or “if you get to choose one place on the planet to visit where would it be?” That would cause her to to be thinking of vacations and living the experience in her head where she is feeling good, relaxed, and excited. Which is what you want.
That is a good way to put her in a good state, since the unconscious mind doesn’t realize whats real and whats imagined. So if she imagines her self on vacation, she will be feeling the same emotions as if she is on vacation now, which is FEELING GOOD.
The topic of relationships is a good transition as well.
Make comments like “My last girlfriend and I used to get into it after every fight. What is it with fights that gets women all hopped up?” and ask her about what turns her on or what gets her excited.
Share yours first, and then you can ask what she is passionate about and what she does for fun. Example: “I went skydiving last week. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” (This also shows spontaneity.) You could talk about snow boarding, ice skating, rock climbing, whatever…
Noticing something about her. With a group of two girls you can say things like “You guys have the same laugh”, “You guys have the same facial expressions”, “This one giggles more”, or “you seem the nice one but I don’t know about her, is she the trouble maker?” smile!
Give value by bringing the energy up in the group and get them more connected to build a more positive state. Another example is to notice something she’s wearing, like a nice piece of jewelry, her hair, or dress.
Avoid commenting on her body, ass, boobs or face. Keep that to yourself for now. Later you can tell me about it
Good way to get the number is getting her to be intrigued.
Make small talk, keeping it fun and light. This is called banter, and occurs between the opener and building rapport stage. Creating drama and excitement is one way, which demonstrates you are a fun passionate person:
“OMG you won’t believe what happened on my way here, this cop pulled me over thinking I am driving on the wrong side of the road” or “This dude got his ass beat outside”, Whatever something silly and not as significant, you can make it significant with HOW you say it.
In the beginning you might feel weird and awkward but listen to the guys that are good with women, they got NOTHING significant to what they say. IT IS HOW THEY SAY IT!
Enthusiasm is contagious, and it shows passion!
If you talk about any subject with excitement other people will be interested and follow along. Even if you think its not interesting, you can make it enticing by how you say it and with your enthusiasm. try it now, look at yourself in the mirror and get five times more excited as you tell a story. Enroll the person in the mirror with your story. The key is not trying to look good. The key is to be with that person in the mirror. Practice this for two weeks in front of the mirror and see how you become more excited and enthusiastic in your conversations.
Bring up innocent adult topics, such as fun TV shows from the past, or cartoon characters
“If you could be a cartoon character who would you be, and please don’t say a princess.” or “If you had to choose between Oscar the Grouch and Ernie who would you be?” These are topics everyone likes. That will get her to the state of being a kid again and that is a good innocent state of fun which will get her to trust you and open up to you.
Opinion openers are a good way to open with because they don’t signal interest
When you ask a woman her opinion on something you aren’t coming across as hitting on her. This allows you to go under the radar and gives her the opportunity to share her views, which women love to do.
Usually the opinion will be relationships, recent events, drama in Hollywood, gossip, or differences between genders, so have a couple of those to fall back on. I could email you a list of these openers just let me know.
Get her psychologically invested in the interaction and let her talk about it. Don’t show your interest directly after the opener because that telegraphs you don’t have balls to go in directly. Transition through one of the methods I mentioned before and then after creating attraction you could state your interest.
Either use opinion, transition and get her attracted, or go in directly right off the bat and state your interest directly. Either way, it doesn’t matter, its a learning experience and there is ABUNDANCE of women. Remember there is no failure, only feedback. And please have fun with this don’t take it too seriously!
If you want to learn how to approach and attract beautiful women that you never though possible then sign up for our upcoming three day bootcamp. You will learn step by step on how to approach, attract, and date beautiful women any where any time. You will be out practicing with a coach that will give you instant feedback and shed light on your blind spots.
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